Dim Vavi's Daily Journal

This day. This year.  It was a wild ride, it challenged me in many ways.  But I became stronger and better hundredfold.  I live the best version of myself possible, and strive for even more.  No regrets.  No things I would want to change. Only opportunities to learn and enjoy life. Only experiences that add to it, one way or another. I am on my way to extreme happiness, joy and love.  And I will never stop. Next year will be even greater.  Let's Fucking Go.

Last workday of the year. Last bit of effort. Last coaching of that year too. It all seemed so distant, and now its tomorrow and I broke my heights. I keep switching between being at peace and relaxed, and being pushy to me and strict. It is hand to find a balance, but, guess what - my life will be ok in any way.  Read books, write my philosophies, share experiences.  I have a lot of people to share it with now.  I may certainly fall back to just enjoying what I have for some time.  Will it make me push better after a while?  Probably yeah, it just may take a couple of years.  Which is not bad by itself, I just want it faster.  Would I be willing to put in immense effort? For now I'm not sure. But in some weeks, months - definitely.  I would want to reach others' level.  I get to be among winners all my life from now on

I am at some strange level again.  Focking rollercoaster haha.  I don't know. It is all strange somehow. I find something good, and then it's gone soon and I need to search for it again.  Cabin In the Woods.   And sleep. Use these to move me forward. I think it is time to work on biz, but at the same time - I don't.  Tackling the problem requires effort that I don't want to spend my energy on. For now.  But I probably can do something smaller - maybe think of it and build some momentum. Hanging out with friend, our dancing and listening to music was cool. I didn't have one of these for a long time.  It is hard to accept for me tho, that she drove all the way just to hangout without much purpose.  I'm not sure what I gave her, what was value.  Or maybe I just wouldn't do it myself - "non-productive"

It is all gonna be ok.  I guess that I will be my everyday's opening now. I am at peace most of the time.  It is awesome. Life just becomes enjoyable. I need people in my life - it all becomes better.  I can be happy by myself, but what is the point where there's no one to share it with.  I kinda calmed down about dating again.  Connection and intimacy are awesome. I will still look for girls in the background, but it's time to use what I have and refocus on blog, sharing and making money.  It is helping me with mindset and formulating my own philosophies greatly.  I will expand on it with videos and podcasts, especially for learning to talk properly and convey my thoughts.  For now though, writing creates me.

Thank you for everything and everyone I have in my life.  I am so deeply grateful for it.  I love how my days look like.  I love what I get to experience and be happy about.  I love for my breakdowns and low moments to exist.  I love that I have the opportunity to learn.  I love that I get to share it too, that I can write and record and make life of someone and the world slightly better.  Thank you! Last week taught me a lot.  I got to see my ups and downs, I got to listen to myself.  I got to become more peaceful and loving. I got to ask for help of others, in different ways, from throwing tantrums to asking directly and saying how I need that.  I got to see that the world (ZA WARUDO, couldn't resist, haha), wants me to be happy.  There is always something for me there.  It is beautiful. I love it all.  I want to love it.

I am ok. My life is ok.  It is actually awesome. But it is ok.  I am so grateful to have all I have in life.  I am so grateful I get to be in this world and experience it all: both happy and hard moments.  I am glad for all of it. I am happy to be alive.  Yesterday date was amazing. I didn't feel like I deserved that kind of connection and intimacy.  It is still hard for me to believe I can be that valuable for someone. For them to enjoy being around and with me, as I am right now. But I guess I do deserve it. Maybe I am valuable.  I know I will always be valuable to the most important person in my life - me.  But I guess I can also add to someone's life by just being myself.  It feels good to know that.  Surreal. Unbelievable. Strange.  But Good

Feelings govern over all of us.  When I notice then, I can then do something for me. This hierarchy of energy levels can be applied to any interactions I have. I'm gonna remember it - that is one of the keys to knowing myself. I love being open. I love trying it.  It is a vulnerability, but it is peace also.  What are my worries? What am I afraid of?  I fear that I won't be able to switch to blog and coaching, that I won't find my voice.  I'm afraid that I won't be able to build meaningful connections.  I worry that I won't have it in me to go all in and change my life.  I am afraid that I won't be true to myself. I'm afraid of losing all I have in my life.  I am terrified to die.  I am terrified of being content, complacent, mediocre, normal .

I don't remember how it was last time, but I enjoy taking this break.  I deserved it. I needed it.  There may be people who are in worse state than me - there always are. But that doesn't diminish what I feel. And anyone who says otherwise is not in contact with inner self. I am almost back in the feeling that it all gonna be ok. It is inevitable. There's just too much time for my memory to focus on.  I am gonna be ok. It is the truth. I am also allowed to share that truth with others. Give value.  I like doing that.

One brick after another - I rebuild myself from the very core. New trust structures. New mind pathways. New way of thinking. Lowest moments may be the ones that add the most. I'm still afraid. To slip up, to lose control, to fall back where I was before. I 'm not so sure of my internal support anymore. It seems like my very nature went against me. If that is so, I need to find way to to reach it, make a stable contact once again. It may also be the case that I just notice things and details I couldn't before. Then it is a sign of clear progress. It is possible.  Taking a red pill once again, now about myself, would certainly cause extreme panic. I guess it's all for the better. Ignorance is bliss. But you cannot make your own path in it. It needs to be overthrown.  My aim is truth, honesty and integrity. It can be applied to me as well as other people. It may also be applied to my reality. To the world. I want to know. You know, I know perfectly well that I won't be...

It is the era of reasoning with myself  What do I think will help me and my body?  - Going back to sleep till 8AM. Not going to the gym. Staying at home. Having late breakfast.  Why do I think it will help? - It will give me more time to relax, both mentally and physically. Not spend my energy on pushing myself, when I may need it for my day.  What will justify it for me? What do I need not to blame myself? - I will go to the shower when I wake up. I will do banded sit-ups for 3x10 reps. I will write my journal in the middle of my late breakfast. I will take my time and focus on food without distractions.  Instead of playing games afterwards I will make a coffee and read book for 1h I will post a twit with my state and takeaway  I will start writing a Reddit post about my paranoia.  I will look through my job tasks and make 2PRs Compromising with myself... Interesting venue I haven't had before. I don't know why it all happened. I clearly don't see how...

I feel paranoid - that I cannot even trust myself to do what I need to recover. That is ok, there is some reason for it.  Next step - recover trust. I can do that by listening closely to me and compromises on something I can still do. 5 things why am I grateful to this paranoia:  1. I got to see how my breakdowns really looks like 2. When I handle it I will become much stronger  3. It is fun in some way to find way out of it  4. I get to recover mentally and physically. 5. I get to look at it and practice coming up with only the next step to do  6. I get to listen closely to my feelings and protect myself. 7. I noticed how I don't beat myself down. I see what I did and think what I can do next. That caused me to be scared - I knew the actions.

Yesterday I didn't do much - and it was very useful.  I got to see a lot of fears, share in the group and see where I could improve - that is the power of coaching.  In normal peer groups I would be intimidated to post it - because I kinda have to prove myself there. But in coaching - I paid for it - and I believe I can (and deserve) to receive help. I trust the process - and it helps.  I also noticed how me finally getting laid can push back my progress in other areas, specifically in business. Or maybe it shines light on my mental stuff and ego I better deal with?  Either way, I now see the value in both sides - I thought not having sex is what gave me frustration and distracted from putting in effort. But at the same time it was giving me good focus, more time and energy. I can clearly see now how it may have been beneficial. On the other hand, getting my dating life handled gave me more peace. I feel happier and less pressure -but got to deal with complacency, le...

I came such a long way…  I started as hating the world, people, women. Being jealous over anything. Not believing that life can change. Hating myself to the point of punishing. To the point of cutting my shoulders with knife. How I turned it all around… I love myself fully. I give gifts to myself. I cheer on people ahead of me and rejoice with their victories. Pull people later than me, give them a rope to get to my level faster. I love giving to the world. I love would giving back to me. I love world hurting me - it shows me something, always. I love everything. I am grateful for every moment in my life. I am happy often. And if not - Everything is ok. Mindset is really the most important aspect of life. Self-beliefs and stories shape the life. I am excited to help people get the best mindset ever

Persistence is the key.  Not desperation. Not crazy big actions. But small consistent every-day steps, compounded over time.  And doing all I can to stay at peace in the process. I never thought peace would become such an important thing in my life.  "Everything is ok" - one of the many life truths that Andy helped me to understand. It is ok. It is now. It is reality.  There's no point in arguing with it. It is here, immortal and immutable.  Future can be changed. Past - not.  Present can be reframed though, So that is what I will do. There's no point to desperation anymore. I'm higher than it. I transcended over obsessing with failure. I want to turn my head to the future now.  I want to find companions to go with.  And if not - I have myself.

It is all ok. Everything is ok.  No matter what I do, it will be ok.  Nothing really does matter as much as I thought. I am starting to get that "You doesn't really matter to the world" thing.  It is good. Now I can go for whatever I want. Now I can look at my ego, give it a hug, and do the things to bring me fun. And if it will be suffering for some time - well that's the reality. Reality is beautiful no matter what.  Let's go enjoy it. One of my strong desires right now - get laid before the end of the year.  It is very possible. And it will be really meaningful to me. But if that doesn't happen - well, it is reality also.  It will be ok.  I may be frustrated. But ultimately I have myself and my dreams.  It's only up to me to make them happen.

This IS my story.  I write it this exact moment.  I don't really know what it will turn out to be. But I know that I damn enjoy writing it. I an excited to see what will come from under the pen of myself.  It is a comforting and thrilling action.  It is with me for life. It IS life. Yesterday was a good proof of the concept of doing something  © .  It really is that simple.  I start with 5 minutes and see how it goes. If after I want and feel myself to continue - go for it. If not - that's ok, some other time.  I trust myself 98% of the time now. Even in laziness. It is ok if I don't do much - then I need it.  I trust myself enough to question and see what works best for that moment. I am grateful for all I have in life.  I can wake up at 3:30, do reflections in candlelight, have a delightful handmade breakfast, enjoy the gym, write my thoughts and share them.  I can enjoy the calmness of early times, listen to soft crackles of fire...

I am in relaxation and low effort period. I have some worries that this period is gonna last more than I want it to.  But it іs gonna last as much as it needs.  I am making progress - every day, just a little bit better. If I would not do much this week - it is OK. I know that it will be for a reason then. What I can do is to do a bare minimum.  Then stop and ask myself if I can continue, and if it will make my life better.  That's all it takes to have that small step made.  I made a huge progress yesterday on a date.  I was able to be really honest and straightforward. And nothing bad happened - even more, it was awesome, fun and felt good. I was able to hold her hand. To talk openly about what I want, including boundaries and kissing.  We shared a lot of our experiences with dating. I was really assertive

Just write something.  It's hilarious how when you have no thoughts, and too many - it is the same result - I stop and not write anything.   Like with my yesterday's upload, I need to break that barrier. No matter how inappropriate it would be - it's all a comparison to someone greater.  "They wouldn't upload that shitty" - but what exactly is "shitty" for them, you, me, and everyone who'll read or listen to it?  Is there a 0,1% possibility that it would be helpful to anyone - YES!  Even if it is just to relate and not worry about quality - or be better.  It WILL always serve its purpose. And if not - it served its purpose to me.  I am enough. My thoughts are valuable to me. I am not forcing anyone to listen or read what I say But it is out there now... I allowed myself to be seen. Cuddles are another small cheatcode to life.  I cannot describe what happens, but the intimacy of them recharges my energy - my feminine energy. That thing I need to h...

I am more at peace. I took control of the situation. Still feel drained tho - the lack of lime-off and so many stressful moments show up.  I will make there weekend days really fucking relaxed. I need to unwind.  I will meat with my friend, she can help me go through and regain some energy.  But I won't push myself part the bare minimum - it will be enough. I will do whatever I want, play some games and just be by myself.  I fucking deserved it. This journal in some way causes me aversion when I think of starting.  It is same with other goals too.  I like it in the process - but start is a different thing. I need to pay more attention there - it's a lesson to be learned. What would be good for me?  I usually use this phrase to see where it is better to push myself, even if i don't really want it. Will that action give me something good? Enrich my life?  It helps.  But sometimes, the good longterm thing is to just do whatever you want in the m...

Andy helped me understand one thing today - I Chose This Life.  It is one of the concepts I used regarding dating before - when I mould see happy couples white having no one, I would be fucking jealous.  Not anymore. I know why I have this life - I made it that way.  I'm not a victim here. It's applies to all life as well. Yesterday I had a dip into complete honesty and transparency.  While talking with a friend we covered personal topics that are really close to us.  I had the urge to be reactive, to hide into my shelf again and pretend I didn't mean that. To dismiss it all and bury my feelings and desires under some new story. That would have been a recipe for a disaster. It would not go anywhere. It would come over and over again. Until it blows in my face...  I did this before.  Not today though. I forced myself to stand tall, accept my emotions and then handle it. I opened up and described my thoughts pretty good.  I'm glad I did it. It is on...

I'm not in the mood to write today entry - I feel fucking drained.  Frustration on my dating adds too much to it. I cannot seem to be able to find girls that I like that are also interested in me sexually. It fuels my sense of unworthiness.  And highlights it as well - it is one of the most important things to work on, and I do.  But in the meantime, it frustrates me so much now.  Over the course of 6 months I had no people, no girls in my life that I really liked. I had some sexual stuff, but they weren't the people I wanted it much - we were too different. I still have my best friend - family for me - the girl that stayed back in Moscow.  I also reconnected to awesome girl I was seeing here 6 months ago.  Now, she IS the girl I'm perfectly happy to be friend with. I trust her, we shared a lot and I really want to grow our relationship further, no matter what exactly it will be.  I want to build it to be sturdy. I won't quit at the first sight of trou...

  Why I started to do meditation breakfasts?  My meditation breakfasts look like that Mornings in combination with food and quiet background is.... meditative. For me it opens a path somewhere inside of me. Somewhere deep in my memories and... emotions. Most of the times it is just a relaxing experience which helps with reflections. But from time to time I stumble upon huge epiphanies here. It is surely will be one of the main important tools for my progression with Mindset stuff. Yesterday I was on an amazing date.  I like that I can finally push myself to go for the things I want - touch, kisses and being vulnerable.  Even if I fuck up spectacularly, it is an experience. 1% better every time.  I will be at the point where I would totally know what I'm doing.  And for now... I believe it is possible that there are girls in Belgrade who will like even a current version of me.  I do controversial things, yes. But people are different - and w...

"I want you to steal from me" - that is the theme of today's inspirations.  It mostly applies to ideas and concepts, but to anything else as well.  Firstly - by doing it we add credibility - it matters so much I want it for me.  I wouldn't want shit that I cannot use even as a gift - it will just clutter.  But here I want something that it's hard to have and still going for it. It. Is. Validation. Yesterday was big on realisations.  I don't need to get laid that desperately anymore. I can build up to it.  Doing 1% improvements over time, shaping relationship and eventually I get there. Maybe there are more efficient methods, but I don't see them for now, especially in Serbia.  So I'm happy to take my time, as long as there is progression and I learn much from it. Opening up haven't really clicked yet.  I need to share more personal stuff, my deep and intimate thoughts.  But I will build to it as well. Another idea I want to practice - using m...

Yesterday was packed to the T.  I had 9 hours of different human contact... FFS.  I was fucking exhausted at the end.  But I saw great progress there. In approaches I stopped chasing after girls - the thing that always gave me frustration. I am ok with starting convo, it takes little energy now, even while I am anxious all the time.  But them not wanting to talk and me thinking that I at least should make it less awkward - it is not for me.  It drains my self-respect.  I say after them - "have a nice day", but do I really want to make that effort to someone who don't want to consider me?  FUCK YES or no… I want to internalize it.  It is no fun for me otherwise.  Trying to convince them to talk to me - why?  I am enough by myself, I don't need to convince her of that.  It feels counterproductive to what I'm trying to believe about myself.   And, fuck.. I have 4 friends now. One from before, and 3 here now, with different areas o...