Dim Vavi's Daily Journal

I am more at peace. I took control of the situation. Still feel drained tho - the lack of lime-off and so many stressful moments show up.  I will make there weekend days really fucking relaxed. I need to unwind.  I will meat with my friend, she can help me go through and regain some energy.  But I won't push myself part the bare minimum - it will be enough. I will do whatever I want, play some games and just be by myself.  I fucking deserved it. This journal in some way causes me aversion when I think of starting.  It is same with other goals too.  I like it in the process - but start is a different thing. I need to pay more attention there - it's a lesson to be learned. What would be good for me?  I usually use this phrase to see where it is better to push myself, even if i don't really want it. Will that action give me something good? Enrich my life?  It helps.  But sometimes, the good longterm thing is to just do whatever you want in the m...

I'm not in the mood to write today entry - I feel fucking drained.  Frustration on my dating adds too much to it. I cannot seem to be able to find girls that I like that are also interested in me sexually. It fuels my sense of unworthiness.  And highlights it as well - it is one of the most important things to work on, and I do.  But in the meantime, it frustrates me so much now.  Over the course of 6 months I had no people, no girls in my life that I really liked. I had some sexual stuff, but they weren't the people I wanted it much - we were too different. I still have my best friend - family for me - the girl that stayed back in Moscow.  I also reconnected to awesome girl I was seeing here 6 months ago.  Now, she IS the girl I'm perfectly happy to be friend with. I trust her, we shared a lot and I really want to grow our relationship further, no matter what exactly it will be.  I want to build it to be sturdy. I won't quit at the first sight of trou...