Do anything. I allowed to be seen. Cuddles. Feminine energy. Mindful. Don't be perfect. Trust. 2022-12-11

Just write something. 

It's hilarious how when you have no thoughts, and too many - it is the same result - I stop and not write anything.

 
Like with my yesterday's upload, I need to break that barrier.
No matter how inappropriate it would be - it's all a comparison to someone greater. 

"They wouldn't upload that shitty" - but what exactly is "shitty" for them, you, me, and everyone who'll read or listen to it? 

Is there a 0,1% possibility that it would be helpful to anyone - YES! 

Even if it is just to relate and not worry about quality - or be better. 

It WILL always serve its purpose. And if not - it served its purpose to me. 

I am enough. My thoughts are valuable to me.
I am not forcing anyone to listen or read what I say

But it is out there now... I allowed myself to be seen.


Cuddles are another small cheatcode to life. 

I cannot describe what happens, but the intimacy of them recharges my energy - my feminine energy.

That thing I need to have to relate to people in coaching and life. 

It is awesome that I could meet with my friend to replenish it. Now I don't need a breakdown. I can keep going. I am running after receiving that much-needed sip of water. I can go back to conquering my mountain.

It is also an awesome experience in mindfulness to notice sexual thoughts, and how body reacts to a really attractive girl connecting to me and… let it go. I notice it is there, it is cool, but I don't have to act on it. Thoughts and feelings didn't control me. Stoicism at its core.


I don't have to be perfect with anything. The only thing "needed" is the belief that eventually I can handle anything that happens. And I can suck at believing it too...


The trust for other people is only possible when I trust myself.

It is not about belief that this person will always support me. Not that they will never do something to hurt on disappoint me. 

They will. They eventually WILL hurt or disappoint me…


Trusting them is possible only when I know that everything will still be alright when it happens. That I can handle that hurt. 

That my life will continue no matter what, for as best as it can, afterwards.


Then they cannot REALLY hurt me, right? 

In the longterm it will still be good for me. 

Then I can trust them completely. Then I can see that they mean only good, no matter what will actually happen.


I can trust people how. I like the world where I can do that. 

It makes me happy to live in it.

Location: Belgrade, Serbia

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