Dim Vavi's Daily Journal

World is shit testing me.  It is absolutely hilarious how in the month and year I declared my peace and gratitude focus life throws a bunch of events at me to test my resolve.  I am grateful for it though.  Previously it would have baffled me, "why" is it happening...  Now I know why - to allow me to be better, to practice exactly what I want.  I accept this gift.   I feel like I should rant a bit though, to get some perspective and insight… Firstly - there are two new girls in a month who wanted sex with me, enjoyed it and my company a lot, and then left.  Why the fuck - I just cannot understand this sudden switch.  Am I lacking something? Do I make some important mistakes? Why is this curse follows me? Secondly - How come these girls have blatant disregard for me, the connection we built and experiences we had. And can just say "It's not for me" and go away at random moment.  Where is the discussion, where is the attempt to compromise?...

It is all gonna be ok.  I guess that I will be my everyday's opening now. I am at peace most of the time.  It is awesome. Life just becomes enjoyable. I need people in my life - it all becomes better.  I can be happy by myself, but what is the point where there's no one to share it with.  I kinda calmed down about dating again.  Connection and intimacy are awesome. I will still look for girls in the background, but it's time to use what I have and refocus on blog, sharing and making money.  It is helping me with mindset and formulating my own philosophies greatly.  I will expand on it with videos and podcasts, especially for learning to talk properly and convey my thoughts.  For now though, writing creates me.

Yesterday I didn't do much - and it was very useful.  I got to see a lot of fears, share in the group and see where I could improve - that is the power of coaching.  In normal peer groups I would be intimidated to post it - because I kinda have to prove myself there. But in coaching - I paid for it - and I believe I can (and deserve) to receive help. I trust the process - and it helps.  I also noticed how me finally getting laid can push back my progress in other areas, specifically in business. Or maybe it shines light on my mental stuff and ego I better deal with?  Either way, I now see the value in both sides - I thought not having sex is what gave me frustration and distracted from putting in effort. But at the same time it was giving me good focus, more time and energy. I can clearly see now how it may have been beneficial. On the other hand, getting my dating life handled gave me more peace. I feel happier and less pressure -but got to deal with complacency, le...

It is all ok. Everything is ok.  No matter what I do, it will be ok.  Nothing really does matter as much as I thought. I am starting to get that "You doesn't really matter to the world" thing.  It is good. Now I can go for whatever I want. Now I can look at my ego, give it a hug, and do the things to bring me fun. And if it will be suffering for some time - well that's the reality. Reality is beautiful no matter what.  Let's go enjoy it. One of my strong desires right now - get laid before the end of the year.  It is very possible. And it will be really meaningful to me. But if that doesn't happen - well, it is reality also.  It will be ok.  I may be frustrated. But ultimately I have myself and my dreams.  It's only up to me to make them happen.

I am in relaxation and low effort period. I have some worries that this period is gonna last more than I want it to.  But it іs gonna last as much as it needs.  I am making progress - every day, just a little bit better. If I would not do much this week - it is OK. I know that it will be for a reason then. What I can do is to do a bare minimum.  Then stop and ask myself if I can continue, and if it will make my life better.  That's all it takes to have that small step made.  I made a huge progress yesterday on a date.  I was able to be really honest and straightforward. And nothing bad happened - even more, it was awesome, fun and felt good. I was able to hold her hand. To talk openly about what I want, including boundaries and kissing.  We shared a lot of our experiences with dating. I was really assertive

I'm not in the mood to write today entry - I feel fucking drained.  Frustration on my dating adds too much to it. I cannot seem to be able to find girls that I like that are also interested in me sexually. It fuels my sense of unworthiness.  And highlights it as well - it is one of the most important things to work on, and I do.  But in the meantime, it frustrates me so much now.  Over the course of 6 months I had no people, no girls in my life that I really liked. I had some sexual stuff, but they weren't the people I wanted it much - we were too different. I still have my best friend - family for me - the girl that stayed back in Moscow.  I also reconnected to awesome girl I was seeing here 6 months ago.  Now, she IS the girl I'm perfectly happy to be friend with. I trust her, we shared a lot and I really want to grow our relationship further, no matter what exactly it will be.  I want to build it to be sturdy. I won't quit at the first sight of trou...

  Why I started to do meditation breakfasts?  My meditation breakfasts look like that Mornings in combination with food and quiet background is.... meditative. For me it opens a path somewhere inside of me. Somewhere deep in my memories and... emotions. Most of the times it is just a relaxing experience which helps with reflections. But from time to time I stumble upon huge epiphanies here. It is surely will be one of the main important tools for my progression with Mindset stuff. Yesterday I was on an amazing date.  I like that I can finally push myself to go for the things I want - touch, kisses and being vulnerable.  Even if I fuck up spectacularly, it is an experience. 1% better every time.  I will be at the point where I would totally know what I'm doing.  And for now... I believe it is possible that there are girls in Belgrade who will like even a current version of me.  I do controversial things, yes. But people are different - and w...