Dim Vavi's Daily Journal

World is shit testing me.  It is absolutely hilarious how in the month and year I declared my peace and gratitude focus life throws a bunch of events at me to test my resolve.  I am grateful for it though.  Previously it would have baffled me, "why" is it happening...  Now I know why - to allow me to be better, to practice exactly what I want.  I accept this gift.   I feel like I should rant a bit though, to get some perspective and insight… Firstly - there are two new girls in a month who wanted sex with me, enjoyed it and my company a lot, and then left.  Why the fuck - I just cannot understand this sudden switch.  Am I lacking something? Do I make some important mistakes? Why is this curse follows me? Secondly - How come these girls have blatant disregard for me, the connection we built and experiences we had. And can just say "It's not for me" and go away at random moment.  Where is the discussion, where is the attempt to compromise?...

It is all ok. Everything is ok.  No matter what I do, it will be ok.  Nothing really does matter as much as I thought. I am starting to get that "You doesn't really matter to the world" thing.  It is good. Now I can go for whatever I want. Now I can look at my ego, give it a hug, and do the things to bring me fun. And if it will be suffering for some time - well that's the reality. Reality is beautiful no matter what.  Let's go enjoy it. One of my strong desires right now - get laid before the end of the year.  It is very possible. And it will be really meaningful to me. But if that doesn't happen - well, it is reality also.  It will be ok.  I may be frustrated. But ultimately I have myself and my dreams.  It's only up to me to make them happen.

Just write something.  It's hilarious how when you have no thoughts, and too many - it is the same result - I stop and not write anything.   Like with my yesterday's upload, I need to break that barrier. No matter how inappropriate it would be - it's all a comparison to someone greater.  "They wouldn't upload that shitty" - but what exactly is "shitty" for them, you, me, and everyone who'll read or listen to it?  Is there a 0,1% possibility that it would be helpful to anyone - YES!  Even if it is just to relate and not worry about quality - or be better.  It WILL always serve its purpose. And if not - it served its purpose to me.  I am enough. My thoughts are valuable to me. I am not forcing anyone to listen or read what I say But it is out there now... I allowed myself to be seen. Cuddles are another small cheatcode to life.  I cannot describe what happens, but the intimacy of them recharges my energy - my feminine energy. That thing I need to h...