Dim Vavi's Daily Journal

I am at some strange level again.  Focking rollercoaster haha.  I don't know. It is all strange somehow. I find something good, and then it's gone soon and I need to search for it again.  Cabin In the Woods.   And sleep. Use these to move me forward. I think it is time to work on biz, but at the same time - I don't.  Tackling the problem requires effort that I don't want to spend my energy on. For now.  But I probably can do something smaller - maybe think of it and build some momentum. Hanging out with friend, our dancing and listening to music was cool. I didn't have one of these for a long time.  It is hard to accept for me tho, that she drove all the way just to hangout without much purpose.  I'm not sure what I gave her, what was value.  Or maybe I just wouldn't do it myself - "non-productive"

I am ok. My life is ok.  It is actually awesome. But it is ok.  I am so grateful to have all I have in life.  I am so grateful I get to be in this world and experience it all: both happy and hard moments.  I am glad for all of it. I am happy to be alive.  Yesterday date was amazing. I didn't feel like I deserved that kind of connection and intimacy.  It is still hard for me to believe I can be that valuable for someone. For them to enjoy being around and with me, as I am right now. But I guess I do deserve it. Maybe I am valuable.  I know I will always be valuable to the most important person in my life - me.  But I guess I can also add to someone's life by just being myself.  It feels good to know that.  Surreal. Unbelievable. Strange.  But Good