Dim Vavi's Daily Journal

Last workday of the year. Last bit of effort. Last coaching of that year too. It all seemed so distant, and now its tomorrow and I broke my heights. I keep switching between being at peace and relaxed, and being pushy to me and strict. It is hand to find a balance, but, guess what - my life will be ok in any way.  Read books, write my philosophies, share experiences.  I have a lot of people to share it with now.  I may certainly fall back to just enjoying what I have for some time.  Will it make me push better after a while?  Probably yeah, it just may take a couple of years.  Which is not bad by itself, I just want it faster.  Would I be willing to put in immense effort? For now I'm not sure. But in some weeks, months - definitely.  I would want to reach others' level.  I get to be among winners all my life from now on

Thank you for everything and everyone I have in my life.  I am so deeply grateful for it.  I love how my days look like.  I love what I get to experience and be happy about.  I love for my breakdowns and low moments to exist.  I love that I have the opportunity to learn.  I love that I get to share it too, that I can write and record and make life of someone and the world slightly better.  Thank you! Last week taught me a lot.  I got to see my ups and downs, I got to listen to myself.  I got to become more peaceful and loving. I got to ask for help of others, in different ways, from throwing tantrums to asking directly and saying how I need that.  I got to see that the world (ZA WARUDO, couldn't resist, haha), wants me to be happy.  There is always something for me there.  It is beautiful. I love it all.  I want to love it.

I am in relaxation and low effort period. I have some worries that this period is gonna last more than I want it to.  But it іs gonna last as much as it needs.  I am making progress - every day, just a little bit better. If I would not do much this week - it is OK. I know that it will be for a reason then. What I can do is to do a bare minimum.  Then stop and ask myself if I can continue, and if it will make my life better.  That's all it takes to have that small step made.  I made a huge progress yesterday on a date.  I was able to be really honest and straightforward. And nothing bad happened - even more, it was awesome, fun and felt good. I was able to hold her hand. To talk openly about what I want, including boundaries and kissing.  We shared a lot of our experiences with dating. I was really assertive

I am more at peace. I took control of the situation. Still feel drained tho - the lack of lime-off and so many stressful moments show up.  I will make there weekend days really fucking relaxed. I need to unwind.  I will meat with my friend, she can help me go through and regain some energy.  But I won't push myself part the bare minimum - it will be enough. I will do whatever I want, play some games and just be by myself.  I fucking deserved it. This journal in some way causes me aversion when I think of starting.  It is same with other goals too.  I like it in the process - but start is a different thing. I need to pay more attention there - it's a lesson to be learned. What would be good for me?  I usually use this phrase to see where it is better to push myself, even if i don't really want it. Will that action give me something good? Enrich my life?  It helps.  But sometimes, the good longterm thing is to just do whatever you want in the m...