Dim Vavi's Daily Journal

One brick after another - I rebuild myself from the very core. New trust structures. New mind pathways. New way of thinking. Lowest moments may be the ones that add the most. I'm still afraid. To slip up, to lose control, to fall back where I was before. I 'm not so sure of my internal support anymore. It seems like my very nature went against me. If that is so, I need to find way to to reach it, make a stable contact once again. It may also be the case that I just notice things and details I couldn't before. Then it is a sign of clear progress. It is possible.  Taking a red pill once again, now about myself, would certainly cause extreme panic. I guess it's all for the better. Ignorance is bliss. But you cannot make your own path in it. It needs to be overthrown.  My aim is truth, honesty and integrity. It can be applied to me as well as other people. It may also be applied to my reality. To the world. I want to know. You know, I know perfectly well that I won't be...

It is the era of reasoning with myself  What do I think will help me and my body?  - Going back to sleep till 8AM. Not going to the gym. Staying at home. Having late breakfast.  Why do I think it will help? - It will give me more time to relax, both mentally and physically. Not spend my energy on pushing myself, when I may need it for my day.  What will justify it for me? What do I need not to blame myself? - I will go to the shower when I wake up. I will do banded sit-ups for 3x10 reps. I will write my journal in the middle of my late breakfast. I will take my time and focus on food without distractions.  Instead of playing games afterwards I will make a coffee and read book for 1h I will post a twit with my state and takeaway  I will start writing a Reddit post about my paranoia.  I will look through my job tasks and make 2PRs Compromising with myself... Interesting venue I haven't had before. I don't know why it all happened. I clearly don't see how...