Building relationship. Dating frustration. Missing feminine. Drained. Get through. 2022-12-08

I'm not in the mood to write today entry - I feel fucking drained. 

Frustration on my dating adds too much to it.
I cannot seem to be able to find girls that I like that are also interested in me sexually. It fuels my sense of unworthiness. 

And highlights it as well - it is one of the most important things to work on, and I do. 

But in the meantime, it frustrates me so much now. 

Over the course of 6 months I had no people, no girls in my life that I really liked. I had some sexual stuff, but they weren't the people I wanted it much - we were too different.


I still have my best friend - family for me - the girl that stayed back in Moscow. 

I also reconnected to awesome girl I was seeing here 6 months ago. 

Now, she IS the girl I'm perfectly happy to be friend with. I trust her, we shared a lot and I really want to grow our relationship further, no matter what exactly it will be. 

I want to build it to be sturdy. I won't quit at the first sight of trouble now - I will bust my ass and communicate like crazy to find something we both would like. 


It feels good writing it down. I feel less frustrated now. 

Still low energy, but that all is temporary.


I miss feminine energy, connection and intimacy. 

It is not ruining my life, but I cannot be at my full potential without it.

But I don't want it with anyone - only to the girls I really like and connect with.


Let's keep going anyway. 

My life is good. And I will make it elite. 

Just takes some time and processing frustrating moments. 

It will make me stronger no matter what.

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