Dim Vavi's Daily Journal

World is shit testing me.  It is absolutely hilarious how in the month and year I declared my peace and gratitude focus life throws a bunch of events at me to test my resolve.  I am grateful for it though.  Previously it would have baffled me, "why" is it happening...  Now I know why - to allow me to be better, to practice exactly what I want.  I accept this gift.   I feel like I should rant a bit though, to get some perspective and insight… Firstly - there are two new girls in a month who wanted sex with me, enjoyed it and my company a lot, and then left.  Why the fuck - I just cannot understand this sudden switch.  Am I lacking something? Do I make some important mistakes? Why is this curse follows me? Secondly - How come these girls have blatant disregard for me, the connection we built and experiences we had. And can just say "It's not for me" and go away at random moment.  Where is the discussion, where is the attempt to compromise?...

This day. This year.  It was a wild ride, it challenged me in many ways.  But I became stronger and better hundredfold.  I live the best version of myself possible, and strive for even more.  No regrets.  No things I would want to change. Only opportunities to learn and enjoy life. Only experiences that add to it, one way or another. I am on my way to extreme happiness, joy and love.  And I will never stop. Next year will be even greater.  Let's Fucking Go.

Last workday of the year. Last bit of effort. Last coaching of that year too. It all seemed so distant, and now its tomorrow and I broke my heights. I keep switching between being at peace and relaxed, and being pushy to me and strict. It is hand to find a balance, but, guess what - my life will be ok in any way.  Read books, write my philosophies, share experiences.  I have a lot of people to share it with now.  I may certainly fall back to just enjoying what I have for some time.  Will it make me push better after a while?  Probably yeah, it just may take a couple of years.  Which is not bad by itself, I just want it faster.  Would I be willing to put in immense effort? For now I'm not sure. But in some weeks, months - definitely.  I would want to reach others' level.  I get to be among winners all my life from now on

It is all gonna be ok.  I guess that I will be my everyday's opening now. I am at peace most of the time.  It is awesome. Life just becomes enjoyable. I need people in my life - it all becomes better.  I can be happy by myself, but what is the point where there's no one to share it with.  I kinda calmed down about dating again.  Connection and intimacy are awesome. I will still look for girls in the background, but it's time to use what I have and refocus on blog, sharing and making money.  It is helping me with mindset and formulating my own philosophies greatly.  I will expand on it with videos and podcasts, especially for learning to talk properly and convey my thoughts.  For now though, writing creates me.

Thank you for everything and everyone I have in my life.  I am so deeply grateful for it.  I love how my days look like.  I love what I get to experience and be happy about.  I love for my breakdowns and low moments to exist.  I love that I have the opportunity to learn.  I love that I get to share it too, that I can write and record and make life of someone and the world slightly better.  Thank you! Last week taught me a lot.  I got to see my ups and downs, I got to listen to myself.  I got to become more peaceful and loving. I got to ask for help of others, in different ways, from throwing tantrums to asking directly and saying how I need that.  I got to see that the world (ZA WARUDO, couldn't resist, haha), wants me to be happy.  There is always something for me there.  It is beautiful. I love it all.  I want to love it.

Feelings govern over all of us.  When I notice then, I can then do something for me. This hierarchy of energy levels can be applied to any interactions I have. I'm gonna remember it - that is one of the keys to knowing myself. I love being open. I love trying it.  It is a vulnerability, but it is peace also.  What are my worries? What am I afraid of?  I fear that I won't be able to switch to blog and coaching, that I won't find my voice.  I'm afraid that I won't be able to build meaningful connections.  I worry that I won't have it in me to go all in and change my life.  I am afraid that I won't be true to myself. I'm afraid of losing all I have in my life.  I am terrified to die.  I am terrified of being content, complacent, mediocre, normal .

Yesterday I didn't do much - and it was very useful.  I got to see a lot of fears, share in the group and see where I could improve - that is the power of coaching.  In normal peer groups I would be intimidated to post it - because I kinda have to prove myself there. But in coaching - I paid for it - and I believe I can (and deserve) to receive help. I trust the process - and it helps.  I also noticed how me finally getting laid can push back my progress in other areas, specifically in business. Or maybe it shines light on my mental stuff and ego I better deal with?  Either way, I now see the value in both sides - I thought not having sex is what gave me frustration and distracted from putting in effort. But at the same time it was giving me good focus, more time and energy. I can clearly see now how it may have been beneficial. On the other hand, getting my dating life handled gave me more peace. I feel happier and less pressure -but got to deal with complacency, le...

Persistence is the key.  Not desperation. Not crazy big actions. But small consistent every-day steps, compounded over time.  And doing all I can to stay at peace in the process. I never thought peace would become such an important thing in my life.  "Everything is ok" - one of the many life truths that Andy helped me to understand. It is ok. It is now. It is reality.  There's no point in arguing with it. It is here, immortal and immutable.  Future can be changed. Past - not.  Present can be reframed though, So that is what I will do. There's no point to desperation anymore. I'm higher than it. I transcended over obsessing with failure. I want to turn my head to the future now.  I want to find companions to go with.  And if not - I have myself.

I am more at peace. I took control of the situation. Still feel drained tho - the lack of lime-off and so many stressful moments show up.  I will make there weekend days really fucking relaxed. I need to unwind.  I will meat with my friend, she can help me go through and regain some energy.  But I won't push myself part the bare minimum - it will be enough. I will do whatever I want, play some games and just be by myself.  I fucking deserved it. This journal in some way causes me aversion when I think of starting.  It is same with other goals too.  I like it in the process - but start is a different thing. I need to pay more attention there - it's a lesson to be learned. What would be good for me?  I usually use this phrase to see where it is better to push myself, even if i don't really want it. Will that action give me something good? Enrich my life?  It helps.  But sometimes, the good longterm thing is to just do whatever you want in the m...