I Chose This Life. Honesty with a friend. Resisting emotional urge. Opening up. 2022-12-09

Andy helped me understand one thing today - I Chose This Life. 

It is one of the concepts I used regarding dating before - when I mould see happy couples white having no one, I would be fucking jealous. 

Not anymore. I know why I have this life - I made it that way. 

I'm not a victim here. It's applies to all life as well.


Yesterday I had a dip into complete honesty and transparency. 

While talking with a friend we covered personal topics that are really close to us. 

I had the urge to be reactive, to hide into my shelf again and pretend I didn't mean that.
To dismiss it all and bury my feelings and desires under some new story.

That would have been a recipe for a disaster.
It would not go anywhere. It would come over and over again. Until it blows in my face... 

I did this before. 


Not today though.

I forced myself to stand tall, accept my emotions and then handle it.

I opened up and described my thoughts pretty good. 

I'm glad I did it. It is one more step to honest communication with people.

Firstly with friends, then with dates, then with random people. There will be no pant of me that wants to remain hidden. 


I won't feel shame anymore. I will be myself.

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