Rebuilding self-trust. Hope. Finding truth. I won't go off rails for long. Rest was deserved. 2022-12-23

One brick after another - I rebuild myself from the very core. New trust structures. New mind pathways. New way of thinking. Lowest moments may be the ones that add the most.

I'm still afraid. To slip up, to lose control, to fall back where I was before. I 'm not so sure of my internal support anymore.

It seems like my very nature went against me. If that is so, I need to find way to to reach it, make a stable contact once again.


It may also be the case that I just notice things and details I couldn't before. Then it is a sign of clear progress. It is possible. 

Taking a red pill once again, now about myself, would certainly cause extreme panic. I guess it's all for the better.

Ignorance is bliss. But you cannot make your own path in it. It needs to be overthrown. 

My aim is truth, honesty and integrity. It can be applied to me as well as other people. It may also be applied to my reality. To the world.

I want to know.


You know, I know perfectly well that I won't be able play for weeks, or other long time - I will gо back to me being productive.


I don't want to hurt myself... I am allowed a bit of respite and doing nothing. I deserved. it.
It is my prize for busting my ass these 8 weeks.

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