Dim Vavi's Daily Journal

It is all gonna be ok.  I guess that I will be my everyday's opening now. I am at peace most of the time.  It is awesome. Life just becomes enjoyable. I need people in my life - it all becomes better.  I can be happy by myself, but what is the point where there's no one to share it with.  I kinda calmed down about dating again.  Connection and intimacy are awesome. I will still look for girls in the background, but it's time to use what I have and refocus on blog, sharing and making money.  It is helping me with mindset and formulating my own philosophies greatly.  I will expand on it with videos and podcasts, especially for learning to talk properly and convey my thoughts.  For now though, writing creates me.

I am ok. My life is ok.  It is actually awesome. But it is ok.  I am so grateful to have all I have in life.  I am so grateful I get to be in this world and experience it all: both happy and hard moments.  I am glad for all of it. I am happy to be alive.  Yesterday date was amazing. I didn't feel like I deserved that kind of connection and intimacy.  It is still hard for me to believe I can be that valuable for someone. For them to enjoy being around and with me, as I am right now. But I guess I do deserve it. Maybe I am valuable.  I know I will always be valuable to the most important person in my life - me.  But I guess I can also add to someone's life by just being myself.  It feels good to know that.  Surreal. Unbelievable. Strange.  But Good

Just write something.  It's hilarious how when you have no thoughts, and too many - it is the same result - I stop and not write anything.   Like with my yesterday's upload, I need to break that barrier. No matter how inappropriate it would be - it's all a comparison to someone greater.  "They wouldn't upload that shitty" - but what exactly is "shitty" for them, you, me, and everyone who'll read or listen to it?  Is there a 0,1% possibility that it would be helpful to anyone - YES!  Even if it is just to relate and not worry about quality - or be better.  It WILL always serve its purpose. And if not - it served its purpose to me.  I am enough. My thoughts are valuable to me. I am not forcing anyone to listen or read what I say But it is out there now... I allowed myself to be seen. Cuddles are another small cheatcode to life.  I cannot describe what happens, but the intimacy of them recharges my energy - my feminine energy. That thing I need to h...

I'm not in the mood to write today entry - I feel fucking drained.  Frustration on my dating adds too much to it. I cannot seem to be able to find girls that I like that are also interested in me sexually. It fuels my sense of unworthiness.  And highlights it as well - it is one of the most important things to work on, and I do.  But in the meantime, it frustrates me so much now.  Over the course of 6 months I had no people, no girls in my life that I really liked. I had some sexual stuff, but they weren't the people I wanted it much - we were too different. I still have my best friend - family for me - the girl that stayed back in Moscow.  I also reconnected to awesome girl I was seeing here 6 months ago.  Now, she IS the girl I'm perfectly happy to be friend with. I trust her, we shared a lot and I really want to grow our relationship further, no matter what exactly it will be.  I want to build it to be sturdy. I won't quit at the first sight of trou...