2nd fwb leaving in a month. World shit testing me. Rant. Gratitude. Inquiry topics. 2023-01-31

World is shit testing me. 

It is absolutely hilarious how in the month and year I declared my peace and gratitude focus life throws a bunch of events at me to test my resolve. 

I am grateful for it though. 

Previously it would have baffled me, "why" is it happening... 

Now I know why - to allow me to be better, to practice exactly what I want. 

I accept this gift.  

I feel like I should rant a bit though, to get some perspective and insight…

Firstly - there are two new girls in a month who wanted sex with me, enjoyed it and my company a lot, and then left. 

Why the fuck - I just cannot understand this sudden switch. 

Am I lacking something? Do I make some important mistakes? Why is this curse follows me?

Secondly - How come these girls have blatant disregard for me, the connection we built and experiences we had. And can just say "It's not for me" and go away at random moment. 

Where is the discussion, where is the attempt to compromise?

And how am I supposed to know how to be better?

Honestly, it pisses me off that I'm the only one who cares about finding solutions and not quitting like that. 

I hope I will find someone who will respect me enough, or care enough not to go off into the sunset at random. 

That is it for my rant.

It is shown me some inquiries into myself I want to do. 

Ultimately, I don't blame these girls. 

Maybe they are confused. Maybe I help them realise that they want something serious. Maybe they don't know how to express what they feel.

I appreciate them anyway. 

For the experience. For them trying their best. For choosing what's best for them. 

And for giving me the opportunity to know myself better.

Thanks! 

Looking forward to the next time.